


If you knew

by MentalistGenAsagiri



Category: Suicide Boy - ParkGee (Webcomic)
Genre: Confessions, Cuddles, Hooni being depressed, Lovey Dovey, M/M, Self Harm, Some depressing Topics, Soorim helping him out, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Tooth Rotting Fluff, implied suicide, maybe smut, trigger warning, tw
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26011354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MentalistGenAsagiri/pseuds/MentalistGenAsagiri
Summary: Hooni refuses to leave his house. What’ll Soorim do once he realizes he misses hooni and wants to know more about him?
Relationships: Jung Soorim & Lee Hooni
Comments: 16
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wee woo this is my first fanfic I hope you enjoy this I’m Mentalist! The author! I’m hoping to become a book writer some day but for now lol stick to writing my fan fictions about characters :) also TW!! 
> 
> Your friendly writer Mentalist and yes I really like Gen asagiri

Hooni refuses to leave his house. What’ll Soorim do once he realizes he misses hooni and wants to know more about him? 

“What’s...that..noise..?” Hooni said, as water Droplets  
Could be heard dripping from not far away.Hooni looked turned over from his bedside only to fall over and hit his face on the floor he yelped holding his face after a sting of pain came right after. After a while the pain subsided and left hooni with a red mark on his face. “What the heck!” He yelled, but covered his mouth after realizing he yelled a little to loud. A bang could be heard from the other side of the wall signaling hooni had woken up his neighbor. 

“S-Sorry!” Hooni apologized being very embarrassed. Hooni reached for his phone after a while only to see a message From the bullies at his school he groaned and threw his phone across the room but then quickly went to get it not wanting it to be broken and sighed when it wasn’t.

“I’ll just stay home today..Not like anyone cares if I go anyway” Hooni stated, feeling a little down he had no one who cared for him he was sure soorim was only hanging with him because he felt pity for hooni the 17 year old laughing stock. A lot of things about hooni stood out like his messy black hair that always was greasy because he couldn’t afford to have his water running.The bandages he had on his face sometimes his bullies would rip them off really hard to leave a mark hooni hated it. The eye bags around hooni’s eyes made it seem like he never slept.Theres a lot of other things about hooni that made him stand out like his height and how sad he looks all the time.But hooni didn’t want to think about it,

Hooni laid back onto his bed crying softly as he started to remember he hated himself deeply but he could never kill himself because he was afraid of pain. He just wished he’d never been born.He was lonely no one loved him and he couldn’t love anybody he was afraid he’d chicken out like he did last time. After a while hooni’s cheeks were stained red and his tears had stopped flowing he just laid their already drifting back to sleep. Soft snores could be heard from the 17 year old hooni as he laid on his bed sleeping. 

Soorim was already heading to school he thought hooni would still be in his room so he knocked on hooni’s door checking to see if hooni was ready but when no response was heard he got a little worried. What if the teenager was sick and he couldn’t afford any medicine? What if he was hurt and alone? Soorim couldn’t stop worrying until he could hear soft snores coming out the room hooni was probably tired so Soorim left hooni to sleep. “I’ll just leave this here for hooni when he gets hungry” he said, To himself as he slid some money under hooni’s door. 

He smiled to himself as he walked away from hooni’s apartment and headed to school but couldn’t stop himself from having thoughts about hooni cuddled in his blankets and snoring cutely, he blushed intrusively shaking his head “This is hooni my friend!” He yelled, to himself but not long after he found his way to school and enjoyed his day.

Jaehoon on the other hand was waiting patiently for hooni.He was worried but decided to check on him later when school was over he didn’t have time to be worrying on hooni again but intrusive thoughts entered his head like bad scenarios. So he took his phone out and texted Soorim who she insisted on getting his number since they were all “buddies” 

Text messages: 7:06 AM  
To:Jung Soorim 

Jae: ”Hello? Have you seen hooni?” Sent at 7:06

Soo:”Yea! His in his room having a nap I heard him snoring this morning he’s fine!” Sent at 7:07

Jae: “Ah ok thank you I just thought he might’ve been sleeping in” Sent at 7:07 

And with that Jaehoon turned off his phone and paid attention to his notes he was happy hooni was getting some rest hooni always seemed exhausted and getting bullied and thrown around probably made him even note tired! He truly hated those bullied they’d never get anywhere in life and by picking on another poor soul who didn’t even have the motivation to do anything sometimes made him angry. Hooni never did anything wrong. He truly didn’t deserve that.

After he noticed his thoughts were distracting him so he just stopped thinking about it and paid attention to his class throughout the day. Though sometimes his mind would wonder off to hooni and how hooni sometimes really tried really hard but that was it.

It was now 4 in the evening when hooni awoke again he checked his phone and was shocked to see he slept that long but he brushed it off and opened the window to let some fresh air in it was really hot in his room thats why he woke up. He glanced outside the window to appreciate the view. 

He smiled lightly “This would be a good time to die just remembering this view alone would make anyone happy even at deaths door” he said to himself, After a while hooni moved away from his window to notice some money left under his door he was confused why would someone leave money under there? Were they evicting him and giving him money to live on the streets? Or were they just kind enough to leave him money to eat? 

He quietly walked to the money as maybe this was a trick to make fun of hooni for being poor! Or they were going to frame him for stealing money after he walked to it and grabbed it and nothing happened he yelped happily! He could finally eat! He ran across his room to get his baggy sweater and jeans and hurry to put his run down shoes on.The soul was breaking off but they still worked hooni thought after all he couldn’t afford another pair so this was fine right? 

Hooni made a run to the nearest liquor store and bought some ramen and juice for the next time Jaehoon and Soorim would come over. They’d still want to hang out right? Just because they pity hooni didn’t mean anything he thought. But was saddened once again by those thoughts and tried to shake it off. “Maybe Soorim left me this money?” He thought maybe he does care. But slapped himself after “hooni they just pity you! Maybe their using you... but for what? I don’t have  
anything to give..” he said frowning,

Hooni made it back to his home still in thoughts about Soorim. Did he care? Was he using him or? Was he genuinely his friend? “My first friend..” hooni smiled widely. Hooni gave it more thought on Soorim,  
He was always there for hooni and always took him to fun places like the arcade! He had lots of fun when they did karaoke together. And when they lit fireworks after hooni couldn’t kill himself! And when they hung out in hooni’s apartment. Hooni got lost in thought for the rest of the day just thinking about Soorim.


	2. Hyung?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cherry...bon..bon!! No not really that’s not the summery! Sorry I just really like cherries!!
> 
> When hooni doesn’t leave his room again for school soorim becomes worried what’ll happen? 
> 
> (I changed it a little I legit have no idea how to write fanfics)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hi!! Mentalist here! <3 by the summery you can tell im horrible at writing!! I’ll try to use more summarizations to the story and more details but please don’t rush me I’m still in school! I’m really hoping to get good grades to get into a good high school class next year! <3 
> 
> I also have a lot on my hands like I’m trying to get a job at age 14!! Not a big deal since no one here really cares and I know you’d rather read this really crappy story I’m making- Anyway please don’t forget to follow my Instagram! @jayleenmochi also major TW

“Mommy! Mommy!” Hooni yelped, hugging his mother tightly. She smelled of Sweet and soft roses. A smell the boy could never forget or the way his mother would smile at him making him feel as if he was the person his mother treasured. It felt as if someone loved him; he felt happy,secure,and safe. 

“Thank you so much for the toy airplane. I'll treasure it forever!” Young Hooni explained looking up at his beloved mother.

But there was no one, it was just hooni alone. It suddenly felt dark, and empty like no one was there for him in the first place..next thing he knew he was by her bedside as she took her last breaths. A pang of emptiness hit hooni like a bus. He was deprived of hope and happiness.

But everything went fuzzy as Hooni was starting to go back into consciousness.

Hooni awoke with a death curdling scream loud enough to shake the whole building to its core. Tears streamed down his pale cheeks, they suddenly turned red and stained. His breath hitched as he was breathing rather quickly like if he had run a marathon in 10 minutes. 

He was out of breath, his little lungs trying to take as much air in but in a panicked state it wasn’t the easiest.

The sound of his heartbeat ringing in his ears like a drum ‘thump..thump..thump” the next louder then the last. He cried and cried until there were no more tears left to cry at that point his face was covered in snot and dried tears. He hated dreaming like this especially when he dreamt of his mother only to awake to remember she passed years ago.

He couldn’t remember the last time he remotely felt alive. He felt as if he was living the same dream over and over again. His own life was a joke and a very meaningless one. He had nothing going for him. Hooni had accepted this but it still hurt to know.

He sighed all this rational thinking was giving him a splitting headache. He was surprised none of his neighbors have bothered him yet asking what his blood curdling scream was about. He brushed it off as this had already happened many times before. 

He felt an agonizing pain in his chest like his heart was about to pop out of his chest. Like it was being squeezed by death itself. Pain was the only thing Hooni knew throughout his short childhood and now into his teenage years. There was nothing he could do about it anymore he had already given up on trying.

He turned to the side where his bedside table was and started rummaging through the mess inside until he found his favorite box cutter. It was awfully bloody he didn’t care if it was dirty at this point he just wanted some kind of relief. Then maybe he wouldn’t feel these horrible feelings he felt half of the time.

He unraveled the bandages on his arms. They needed to be replaced already.They were pretty nasty looking from the last cutting season he had but he pretty much didn’t have any self care for himself anyway, he just wanted to rot away and be forgotten.He wished deeply inside that he never existed.

With these thoughts in mind he brought his bright yellow box cutter down to his wrist. One; two; three; four; five; times.They weren’t extremely deep but they were going to leave a mark. 

The bandaged boy winced in pain they burnt like acid on his skin melting away his pale flesh. Tears threatened to spill out his eyes. He held them in trying not to seem like such a baby to pain.

He slowly put the blade down not caring at this moment where he left it. He scrambled to look for new bandages since the bleeding wasn’t stopping and was now dripping onto his bedsheet and floor. But the more he moved his arm the more it burnt his newly opened flesh. 

He finally ended up finding the bandages that were hiding in his bathroom cabinet. “Finally… I swear I always forget where I put these things…” he mumbled as he weakly bandaged his arm with soft new bandages.

But for them to quickly turn red from the blood flowing out of the teenagers arm. “Fuck..what am I going to do if I keep wasting these.. I don’t have money to buy more-“ he said to himself.

‘Maybe I could ask soorim for some extra money?’ Oh no no Hooni shook his head he was already behind rent as it is and he could barely pay his water and electricity bills not to mention he was constantly borrowing from his neighbor's WiFi router.

He sighed heavily, dropping onto his bed again he couldn’t do anything right. ‘He couldn’t even cook for himself. How useless!’ He thought to himself. 

As his intrusive thoughts continued he suddenly found himself thinking of a particular blond. ‘Pathetic thinking of a friend like that’ Hooni had to be honest this isn’t the first time he thought of soorim as something more as a friend. 

He’s had scenarios of him and soorim laying in the same bed or soorim simply kissing hooni’s scars away.  
But Hooni’s thought of more than hugging and kissing  
Like being pinned down by soorims strong arms or having soorim caress Hooni’s milky thighs.

Hooni’s never had these kinds of thoughts for anyone before. He was very embarrassed about it. What was he feeling? He wanted to be caressed by soorims hands in places he would never let others touch him. He wanted to hold hands with soorim, touch soorim, hug soorim, sleep with soorim. He didn’t know what these mixed feelings were.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by an intrusive knock at his door. “Hooni Hyung? Are you in there? It’s soorim!” Hooni quickly threw his blanket up into the air very startled but it landed back on the boy and covered him, his face burning red with embarrassment. There was a small pause after Soorim knocked. “I was wondering if you’d like to walk to school with me?”

‘Walking with soorim would be nice..’ Hooni thought to himself but then snapped out of it he decided to not respond he might embarrass himself in front of Soorim and then they wouldn’t be as close as they already were

Outside the door Soorim quietly waited. He didn't hear any snoring like the day before so maybe.. Hooni was out and didn’t feel like going to school this morning. ‘Awe i guess I’ll walk alone again. I miss walking with hooni Hyung..he's fun to have around..I’m starting to miss Hooni Hyung.’ 

The blond thought to himself walking with his pale bandaged friend always made him feel warm and fuzzy inside like he wanted to protect the older from danger. He's seen hooni in such horrible states but still let’s him over into his house not to mention the cuts on his wrists.

He’s not dumb enough to not realize the older is in a state of suffering. He has purple eye bags, that make it look like the 17 year old has sleeping problems or doesn’t sleep as much as he should. Which is why the boy always looks so tired. Sometimes there's leftover blood stains on the bandages on Hooni’s arm which worries the younger a lot. 

‘Why would Hooni hurt himself? Is there that much he doesn’t know about Hooni? Is Hooni in pain?’ Soorim wanted to know so much more about his older friend he wanted to hold him and tell him everything’s ok. Tell him he’s there for him Soorim knows what these feelings are, he's feeling ‘love’ for his friend.

It embarrasses him to think about loving his close friend. But he couldn’t help it. Hooni is the definition of perfect; his milky arms and thighs are to die for. The way Hooni puts so much effort to seem cool also seems so cute. Hooni was adorable in Soorims eyes. He was just too embarrassed to admit it to anyone.

In short he loved Hooni. He just wanted to smother hooni,hug him,kiss him and so much more but that wasn’t the point. He was thinking of asking Hooni out on a ‘date’ or hangout to a special place that Soorim loves and he knows hooni would love it as well. That’s if he could get hooni to leave his apartment. 

Hooni hasn’t left his apartment in a couple days. It really started to worry the blond. He knew if this continued he was going to have to open Hooni’s door by force. But he didn’t want to break the other boy's sense of trust with Soorim; he wanted to get Hooni out himself, not using a key to get inside. 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by a couple of his school friends coming up to him and started to conversate with him. The blond brushed his thoughts away and decided to enjoy his school day...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! I tried adding more details and more real life things I worked half my day to figure out and fix a lot of things I didn’t re read it after I edited it so if there’s any mistakes please tell me! Don’t be afraid I won’t be angry 
> 
> Thanks again for reading bye bye hope to see you in my next chapter your friendly writer Mentalist! <3

**Author's Note:**

> Bye bye!! Hope to see you for the next chapter I write! 
> 
> Your friendly writer Mentalist and yes I really like Gen asagiri


End file.
